T Minus

T Minus
05.27.06

There’s a danger in a trip of this magnitude. To keep it financially feasible, it requires significant planning time. This time can fester unfair expectations for the journey and/or spend the capital of others’ interest by accounts of intent.

I’ve always struggled with that, even without ridiculously conversational plans.

Then you figure in that the pared plan includes:
leaping off the tallest building in the Southern Hemisphere without a parachute or bungee,
climbing, then jumping or sliding down 18 waterfalls,
rafting off the largest commercially navigated waterfall in the world (21 feet),
head-first sledging (like wake boarding white water),
tandem sky diving,
flying on the world’s largest swing,
downhill luging,
underground/cave tubing,
bungee jumping out of a cable car,
quad biking the area where they filmed Lord of the Rings,
and creating a DVD of it all.

It’s a lot to brag about in advance. Part of me likes that it will force me to the courage to do what I’ve theoretically wanted to do for years. I seriously wonder if I will have a heart attack. I came close to cardiac arrest last November, with the medical staff puzzled at my EKG. “These would not be irregular readings, if you were a young black man.” (Still don’t know what that was all about.)

I’m actually okay with having a literal heart attack. I’ve already accomplished most of my goals for life. If it weren’t for Timmy coming home with a casket, I wouldn’t be worried much. Crystal can do much better than me, especially if her next husband knows that he gets my Cooper.

But if I do survive the shocks to the system, it has to be cathartic—healthy for that same system. Once I’ve done all of this, maybe I’ll be ready for the whole parenting and cardigans gig. Maybe I’ll be able to give in to the culture and drive an SUV.

Either way, I’m looking forward to conquering fears, even if I don’t let on verbally that I am afraid to do most of this stuff. I get at least 7 months of bragging boldness, even if I chicken out down there. But don’t worry: as long as you’re reading this, I have to go through with these extravagant schemes. And pay backs for all my verbal anticipation are [sw]ell.